Not everyone understands what the real move-on is. I read someone says
"there's no such thing is move-on". Well, this statement is very true for, I believe, the people who never experienced move-on themselves. But some people misinterpret the real meaning of it. I can not promise that I can convince you the real meaning of moving-on. You can either understand it through seeing my heart and understand it or experienced it yourself. We, the people who experienced moving-on, can only share our experiences but it's up to you to believe. We just want to help because we, ourselves, experienced it.
I would like to share my brief story and then I will share some of my journey of moving-on.
My story was based on my ex girlfriend. Our relationship started around year 2002. My feelings to her was very real and her to me. We plan for our future, like family, jobs, etc. Then I migrated. So we're in a long distance relationship. We do emails and texting on the cellphone. Then one day she just told me
"I had a relationship with other guy.. I'm sorry.. That relationship is done, maybe I was just looking for your presence.. Forgive me.. I didn't mean to hurt you..".. I was so crushed and hated their town because of what she did.
I heard someone says
"you must forgive and forget". It's really hard to forgive that kind of person so I started condemning her more because she hurts me... I might can forgive her but it's really hard to forget. So I stopped talking to her for multiple years and never ever forgave her from what she did to me.
Then year 2007, I forgave her and loved her but cannot forget our past because I'm suppose to forget the past to move on so I dwelt in our past and can't describe the pain I had. And I want us to be in relationship again until one day something happen around that year. She had a boy friend but instead of stealing her from her new boyfriend, I let her go because I love her.
(Insight in that story is in my another journal entry here: tm2cruz.deviantart.com/journal…)On around year 2008, she told me she didn't consider me one of her ex-boyfriends so I was so crushed once again...
She told she was very young that time so, according to her, her feelings wasn't that real and don't know anything about relationships.
But year 2010, I finally have forgiven her
from all the hurt feelings she inflicted in my heart and I experienced. That time I finally understood the real meaning moving-on.
Here's my journey, through the years from 2004 to 2007, I remember sometimes and remind myself how bad the damage she inflicted in my heart so I cannot forgive her. So I think I should forget her so I can move on, there's a lot of girls out there that are not like her. So true eh? But the truth is, I really love her, and that's why I'm hurt. It's really hard to forget what she did. I read and read her messages to me (I still saved some of those messages until now) and kept thinking "see how she lied to me", "see how she didn't see my effort", "she didn't see my suffering", etc.
Then one day, I'm trying to understand what's in her heart. I thought of this because I want to think what she must do so she or any other girls should do so they will not end up like her, a two timer girl, and appreciate their boyfriends.
Instead of learning what girls must do, by understanding her feelings, I saw my own mistakes.
But those didn't just happen in one day.
It took me like 2years or more to find out what mistakes I have made. All these years I just saw one mistake, and its about the having a relationship with another guy. But I didn't saw my own multiple mistakes to her. I want to call it "hidden mistakes" or "mistakes in disguise". Mistakes that you cannot see it yourself but very felt by your own partner.
I saw how I didn't believe her when she said she cried because she missed me,
I didn't gave her time to explain or talk about things about her feelings how she suffered so I can help, I didn't say "I love you" to her when she asked me to say it more often, I disrespected her, broken promises I have made to her, I was a liar, I promised to call her one night and didn't...
I've seen how horrible I was as her boyfriend,
no wonder she look for someone else. She didn't intentionally look for someone else, she loves me but the presence she seeks was given by another guy. That's why she was attracted or tempted. If in the first place I gave those things to her, she wouldn't make any mistakes that can hurt me by having a relationship with another man. But my blindness saw only her "big" only one mistake.
But you might think,
"where's moving-on in that story!?".
But let me finish, you must understand, the statement
"you must forgive and forget" is not really moving on. This might surprise you,
there's no where in the bible that says "forgive and forget". It's amazingly true! And yet the majority of people believes God commands you to forgive and forget. God told us to forgive, but He didn't say forget what they did.
Why forgive the person? Because if you forgive them, you're not actually freeing them, you're freeing yourself. The more you have bitterness in your heart, the more you will act violently or harshly, speak bitter words, get depressed, and even hurt your own health and get sick.
God never says forget what they did to you. You will always remember, but whenever you remember the bad experiences you had, you must analyze and learn from it how you can avoid those depressing moments you had by seeing your own mistakes and wrong decisions you've made that might be the reason that lead to that situation.
Then, always remember what is the right way and do it so your next relationship will not repeat the same horrible experience. So many people who are so bitter and never forgive the people who wronged them and no wonder, they end up in the same experiences they had and judge that all women (or men) are the same, a two timer, user, or whatever in their own point of views.
Now, back to my ex girlfriend, I love her still (or care for her now), but because I love her, I want the best for her and I want her to do what is right. We cannot be together because for some reasons that I know I might hurt her or hurt both of us. I still remember our past and thanked her for all the things she suffered and love she have given to me. I saw how she loved me from all those years, but sadly I never saw her sufferings she endured just to love me.
Last September 24, I thanked her for everything, that reading her past messages helped me to move-on in life. Because of her, I understand how women suffers for their love for their boy friend or husbands and what guys must do so women will feel their love and will not look for someone else.
But I want to thanked the Lord for loving me even though I know I don't deserve to be loved. He loved me so He helped me understand these so I wont do the same mistakes I've made.
I hope you guys learn something from my journal.
Moving-on is real. Moving-on is not forgive and forget, it's forgive and then learn from it.
Whenever you remember your past, do not dwell on how hurtful those things are, how bad it was...
When you remember the past, do not dwell on it, learn from it.
Remember, it takes time to move-on.
You'll only find out that you've finally moved-on is, when you remember the past, the pain is no longer there.
Scripture References"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."-Matthew 6:14-15"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."-Proverbs 13:12"There is a way that seems right to a man, But its end is the way of death."-Proverbs 14:12"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."-Romans 8:28"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her"
"So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself."-Ephesians 5:25,28"Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones."-Proverbs 16:24"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."-Matthew 6:33